The Walt Disney Company faced crippling profit losses this week, after mommy blogger “This Modest Mom” was forced by God to cancel her $6000 family vacation to Disneyland over the inclusion of a gay character in the new Beauty and the Beast film. Disney, which averages more than $10 billion in profit each year, is reportedly devastated over This Modest Mom’s decision, and must now try to recuperate losses from both her cancelled trip and the hundreds of dollars her family would have spent on soda and adult-sized children’s apparel in the park.
“It’s really a tragedy,” croaked Walt Disney, who has been frozen in a state of perpetual racism and homophobia for the last 51 years, much like This Modest Mom’s entire social circle. “On the one hand, I respect This Modest Mom’s relentless hatred of the gay agenda, but on the other hand – how will we staff our parks without homosexuals? They make the BEST princes, the absolute best.”
This isn’t the first time This Modest Mom has exerted her power for good and made the world a better place. She has also displayed enormous courage in the past by boycotting hit shows such as Scandal and How to Get Away With Murder, after they introduced gay characters into their formerly only murder-and-adultery-filled storylines. She is currently in talks with her Father in Heaven about whether she should stop watching Planet Earth 2, which has a number of pornographic scenes in it.
Perhaps the most heartbreaking element to this story of moral fortitude is This Modest Mom’s princess-obsessed daughter, who will miss out on both a trip to Disneyland and an adequate education in human biology because of Disney’s ongoing refusal to accept the teachings of the genocide-filled Old Testament. “There comes a point where you have to take a stand for the things you believe in. This is my stand” wrote This Modest Mom, who believes fluoride-enriched water is the government’s way of controlling us.
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